Change is HARD

I get it. Change is the only constant in life. Change is inevitable. But it doesn’t mean that change is always easy, or welcome.

For creatures of habit like myself, even the smallest change creates some level of anxiety. For example, if the shade of Revlon lipstick I’ve used since I was 16 years old were to be discontinued, it would take me a long time to figure out its replacement. The thought of it gives me shivers.

In all seriousness. I opted to lose myself in order to keep my marriage and family in tact versus facing the prospect of starting over. Being a single mom in my late 40’s was not anything I envisioned for myself…ever. I enjoyed calling someone in the middle of the day to say how great or frustrating my day was. I welcomed someone familiar and warm to tell me everything would be okay, even when we knew it wouldn’t be. I preferred what I knew, even when it started to hurt.

The last few years have been a multitude of wanted and unwanted change, sometimes all at the same time. And it wasn’t just my emotions I had to consider, I had to take into account how all the change affected my girls.

I’m embarrassed to admit that in my effort to go back to what I knew and what felt normal (whatever that is), I still worked to save my marriage. Even after our house of cards burned to the ground. Even when my daughters were struggling to move on in their own way.

This road has been rough and to say that I feel like I’m on the other side would be a lie. Again, I’m not keen on change and I find it hard. But if there is anything I’ve learned about myself in this whirlwind of newness and change, is that although I am as stubborn as it gets, I can evolve.

Let’s just hope that Revlon carries Toast of New York for another few decades.